It’s finally here. One of the most romantic days of your life. Everything is set. And that person you are so crazy about has clearly played their cards right – because it’s all a surprise to you. The flowers, the setting, the question on one knee and the most important thing – the ring.
You’re already in tears. And your fingers are eager for it. It’s out of the case. There it is.
But wait – is that it? It goes on your finger. Hmm, not quite what you expected. But there’s no way you can interrupt the moment. Maybe you are just overwhelmed. Yes, all this is too exciting for you. That’s it.
You say ‘yes’. This ring is a symbol of the love between you and this amazing human being next to you.
But, no – you still don’t like it. Even after looking at it a million times over in a span of a few hours. You are afraid to think it but yes – you actually hate it.
So what happens now?
First, take a deep breath and don’t do anything crazy.
If days pass and you’re still not happy, it might be time to consider discussing it with your partner.
“I think you’ll know in your heart if you really need to say something,” Teasdale said. “But also consider this — a lot of women I know don’t wear their engagement ring every day, just their wedding band. Sometimes because of their work or travel or they want to keep it safe. Also you’ll likely choose your wedding band, which you may wear more often. Plus, a wedding band can really change the look of an engagement ring. So consider the band before you make any big decisions.”
If the conversation is something that has to happen, “I would approach it always with a lot of love,” advised Teasdale. “Your partner may have spent a lot of time and money on the ring, and the last thing you want is to offend them at such an exciting time in your life.”
As for some advice for those choosing the ring, gemmologist and jeweller Matthew Ely says:
“Do the research beforehand. See if you can get in touch with friends of hers that can keep the secret, and confirm you are on the right path before she sees it.
It’s also becoming much more normal to see the girls getting involved more, either with the design of the ring or even just providing her partner with a Pinterest page to help along the way.
If it’s a complete surprise, look at what her general style is rather than just jumping straight in. Look at her other jewellery and what she wears on a day to day basis.
At the end of the day, if the guys do something relatively classic they are going to be fine. Otherwise I would definitely suggest getting some advice or being 100 percent sure this design is something she’s going to like.”
Ely also says it’s wise to be upfront with your jeweller and ask a lot of questions.
In the case of amending rings post-proposal, Ely said it’s not uncommon to see a couple return after a few years of marriage to have the ring changed.
“A lot of couples come in for an anniversary present change,” Ely said. “They use the anniversary as an excuse to change or upgrade — it’s actually quite common.”
No matter what the situation is, Teasdale reminds brides that the ring — even if ‘hideous’ — was bought with the best intentions.
“Above all it’s important to remember the meaning behind the ring and what it symbolises, which is that you both want to spend the rest of your lives together, which is such a beautiful thing. Far more beautiful than any ring could ever be.”
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